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Burn It To The Ground
I think the moral here is that overreacting is better than not reacting at all… “Well it finally happened. I burnt down my entire office building. How? Why? Let me explain– at least the parts I...
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Put Your Phone Down
Asshole… “Went to a concert tonight because FUCK MONDAYS and the whole time this Nittany Lion in front of me had his fucking phone up, recording the shit band and taking pictures and whatnot. I asked...
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Be Neighborly
I have already kind of done this, but plan on continuing: “If you don’t have a TERRIBLY awkward moment with your neighbors every now and then where they tell you about your bad behavior from the night...
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Secret Ingredient
Glad we have him to help us learn important shit like this: “I’m gonna tell you something that a lot of people are afraid to admit. Something the government wants kept quiet. The secret ingredient in...
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Never Never Land
Weird last couple of days, but my loss is your gain… Here’s everything he sent me over the last two days: SUNDAY: “We finally started having sex last night and it was great and all, but then this...
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No Wonder…
I thought it was odd when I called him that it went straight to voicemail: “iPhones act like they’re all cool and fancy, but they smash against walls during fits of rage just like Blackberries do. Back...
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Toss It
For fun and stress relief… “I keep meaning to remind you about keg tossing after a party. It’s a good way to work out the stress of not getting laid should that sadly occur, great exercise and loads of...
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Hidden Valley Anger Problem
He has one! “Had this girl invite me over to her place for dinner last night, and when she was putting all the food out she started bragging about this “organic” ranch dressing she had for the salad....
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Home Run Derby
We used to play in our backyard and hit the balls into a huge tree that kind of had perfect levels of branches, so the highest was worth four points and the lowest one. His claim to fame was breaking...
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Get It Right
or face the consequences… “Was at this chick’s house last night trying to find a snack while she cleaned herself off from what I just did to her, and discovered her pantry’s best option to be REDUCED...
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